If you want to know what the bible calls women to be... don't ask Christians, ask the Bible.
I still remember one well-meaning older woman’s advice, given to me at church: “If you want to attract a man,” she said, “you should talk in a softer voice, try to be gentle always, and have a gentle persona. You should never act strong – instead, act like you need a man… men like girls who seem like they need them. And always wear skirts – nothing scares off a man like a woman who refuses to wear a skirt.”
Similarly, when I was making jokes about learning to play the drums, a sister at church told me that I’ll have to find a boyfriend who doesn’t mind a girl who plays such an un-feminine instrument as the drums.
Anyone who knows me would know that I am not the passive, gentle, docile Christian girl. I am the sort of girl who contemplates learning the drums, who revs her engine on her car loudly, who thinks of shopping only as a tiresome chore, and who is relentlessly and almost fiercely strong. I only speak softly when there is something pathologically wrong with my throat (that is, when I am sick). It bewildered me to think that my faith in God will require me to change who I fundamentally am.
I write this article for anyone who, like me, has felt bewildered about what being a Christian woman really means, in the face of traditions, and in the face of the current world-view of womanhood. In writing this, I must make two disclaimers. One is that I am only 24 years old, and have been a Christian for 4.5 years. God teaches me more and more each day, and I don’t pretend to know everything about this very complex topic… and what I do know, I’m not always able to put into practice. The second is perhaps less of a disclaimer and more of a statement. I write this according to what I believe is biblical principles. If you are an astute feminist, if you are one of those people who believe that women and men are equal, then you may find yourself offended. I believe men and women have equal rights, but if you believe that men=women, then I make no apologies for the simple mathematical fact that you are wrong. I do not mean to offend you, but you are wrong.
Alright, to get down to business…
Biblical women are warriors
If you believe that biblical women are docile and passive, then consider some of the great women of the bible. For example, Deborah was a Judge in Israel during the time of the Judges. In those times, to be a ‘judge’ also means to be a ruler, a decision maker. During the time of national chaos, she rose to be a judge… and when the time came, she led her people into war.
Consider also Queen Esther, who also fought back, in a completely different way. When her people were in danger, she knew what she had to do… she had to risk her life. Deborah fought by taking up a sword… Esther fought by putting on a pretty dress… which goes to show that there are many weapons in a woman’s artillery. All throughout the bible we see many examples where women risked themselves to play a crucial role in the grand story of God. I would not like to meet any of these women as enemies… push Deborah too far, and she will raise an army. Cross Queen Esther, and she will Purim your ass, and turn it into a national holiday.
This reminds me of my best friend, who isn't written into the bible per se, but could well be. She is a Godly, sweet woman, and in some ways she has that "gentle and quiet spirit"... and yet, if you hurt her loved ones, she will happily corner you and remove your head from your shoulders.
Biblical women are not afraid to be righteous
In other words, biblical women are not afraid to stir things up. If you think that you need to tiptoe around people, being cautious not to cause a stir, being cautious to be inconspicuous… think again. Consider some of the women in the bible who were not afraid of causing a stir in order to be righteous. Think of Mary, who anointed Jesus’ feet with perfume. Was she afraid of the stir she caused? Think of Tamar, who almost caused a scandal. Think of Mary the mother of Jesus, who did cause a scandal. Then there was the sinful woman who washed Jesus' feet with her tears. She WAS the scandal.
I’m not saying, of course, that you need to go out and cause a scandal… but we know that if we are to comply with God’s word, then eventually we will cause a stir in our surrounds. Jesus did not give us a spirit of timidity, but instead gives us the example of many women who were not afraid of spilling themselves for His righteousness.
Biblical women are not afraid to be vulnerable
This is where I suppose I may get in trouble with the feminists… and this is the lesson that was the hardest for me to learn.
Many verses in the bible, particularly in the epistles, talk about women being in ‘submission’, covering their hair, not taking leadership, etc. These verses have been quoted and misquoted many times, and almost invariably they have been taken out of context of the times in which the letters were written and the greater theme of the letters. I don’t intend on addressing these issues here, but it is clear to me through these verses that, fundamentally, women are different to men. We all have our vulnerable side, and by nature we thrive best when we can draw strength and protection from somewhere. Ruth came to Boaz in the night and said to him, “cover me”, and he was touched by her fearless vulnerability. I may be offending feminists here, but I’ll be the first to admit that we all long for someone with strong shoulders on which we can lean on.
This was the most difficult lesson for me to learn… because allowing yourself to stop being strong all the time means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. There is a time to be a warrior like Deborah; there is a time to be gentle and still like Ruth. I don’t handle this very well; being vulnerable makes me feel panicky and afraid. It is something that God, in His mercy and grace, is dealing with to this day. God is showing me that there is great strength in having a “gentle and quiet spirit”.
Biblical women are complex
Thinking through the women of the bible, and perhaps reflecting on our own lives and our own natures, we get a sense of how truly complex we are. We are fiercely strong, yet exquisitely vulnerable. We are fearless, a force to be reckoned with, commanding respect… and yet we need to be loved and cherished and “covered”. We are intuitive, relational, analytical, yet emotional. Why are we so complex? I used to be a bit ashamed of my complexity… and try to hide certain aspects of it. Who wants to deal with someone this complex?
The answer lies in the secrets of creation… we were fashioned in the likeness and image of God Himself. Can there be any doubt that God is as complex, if not much more, than we are? He is Father, Spirit, and Son. He is master and servant, lion and lamb, judge and intercessor, parent, friend, and lover… the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Boys, if you complain that your girl is too complex for you to grasp… you obviously haven’t tried to understand the nature of God yet. Ladies, this is not permission to be fickle or inconsistent… but understand that your complexity is glorious.
Conclusion
I suppose the gist of all this is that we don’t need to be passive and docile… nor do we need to be always vigilant, always alert and on edge. I suppose the last important thing that I wanted to say about biblical womanhood is to dispel two myths. One is that you need to be married or attached in order to count as a "biblical" woman. You don't – having a man does not define your identity as a daughter of the King. The other is that you need to have children to thrive as a Christian woman. This is also not true... not having children does not limit your ability to live out your nurturing nature. You are a daughter of the King… and that fact alone makes you beautiful. To quote Peter: “For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.” (1 Peter 3:5 NIV).
If you want the bible references for any of the above, feel free to contact me via comments.
