As we all looked how cute and innocent she is, one of the other staff members remarked to me: "You'll be buying that sort of dress for your daughter soon."
"No, I don't think so." I said, with a shrug. "I don't think I will be buying pretty dresses for her."
Suddenly I found 3 or 4 ladies looking at me with dismay and disbelief. It was as if I had said I planned to starve my child.
We live in a world that is increasingly obsessed with externals. If you look at social media, you'll see lots of "selfies" - particularly of young women. Carefully made up, carefully dressed, lips carefully painted and pouted. Carefully posed to look careless. Girls of all shapes and sizes proclaim to be "proud of their bodies" - whether they be slender or curvy or obese, tall or short. The message is clear: we proclaim to be tolerant of different appearances, but one thing we all have in common is that we care about it. Very, very much.
As a Christian feminist, this nauseates me. We have not "liberated" women from the deep desire to be beautiful. We have merely made it more artificial, more subjective, and more elusive... and more open to commentary.
1 Peter 3:3-4 says:
Do not let your adorning be external - the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewellery, or the clothing you wear - but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. - 1 Peter 3:3-4 (ESV)This verse is not about whether women are "allowed" to wear particular hair styles or particular types of jewellery. This verse is also not about whether women have to adopt a particular "persona" - as if all women ought to talk and act softly and gently, as if they are some sort of a wilting flower. No, Peter is addressing the question of how we adorn ourselves or how we make ourselves beautiful. Peter knows that we have this deep desire for beauty. It seems to be innate in us, and also encouraged in our societies. We seem to feel that there is something lacking in us, like a naked Christmas tree. We seek to find the right covering and adornment to make us "right" - just like a Christmas tree needs tinsel and baubles and lights. So, we put on jewellery, brand-name clothing, make sure our shoes and accessories match, and don't leave the house until we have put on our "face".
Peter wants us to find our beauty, covering, and adornment in something else - more imperishable, more precious, and certainly less exhausting. A gentle and quiet spirit is one that is able to be gentle because she has already received all that she needs from Christ. She has put on Christ to be her adornment, like a garment (Gal 3:27), and therefore her heart is content. She has no need for baubles and tinsel and lights.
I have friends who love to dress up their little girls from birth. The baby (who is too young to know or care) does not leave the house without a flowery headband, with matching outfit and shoes. I always wonder what this communicates to the little girl as she gains increasing self-awareness. Perhaps that she is not complete until she has the right headband on?
For this reason, I have decided not to buy elaborate dresses for my baby girl, or pretty headbands, or ornate shoes, etc. I don't mean to be a Nazi or dogmatic about it, though. My mother and my mother-in-law are pretty enamoured with the idea of having a granddaughter, and no doubt will really love buying girly things for her. I'm not going to stop them, or stop my daughter from wearing them. While I will try to teach her to be comfortable in her own skin, and confident no matter what she is wearing, I will of course teach her to dress appropriate for the occasion. We do not wear woollen jumpers in the heat of the summer, no matter how confident you are. We do not wear our pyjamas to a friend's wedding, out of love and respect for our friend. Stuff like that.
I do want to teach her that there is more to her than her clothes or hair. I will try to spend more time making encouraging comments and drawing attention to her character, generosity, determination, perseverance, and patience... more so than how cute her shoes are. I will try to teach her that she has immeasurable beauty in Christ, that He is her adornment, and she doesn't need to look for her justification in external things or how many "likes" she gets on social media. She is God's child, a daughter of the King of Kings, a true princess... and it will be my hope and prayer that she will always be confident of this, and live her life ever mindful of her true identity in Christ... pretty dress or no pretty dress.
