"I'll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself
Is not what You have required,
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart.
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it,
When it's all about You"
- Lyrics of "Heart of Worship" by Matt Redman
I simply love the Heart of Worship song by Matt Redman. The whole song is part confession, part exaltation. As with all of Matt Redman's songs, you can really tell it comes from the heart... which is why I still prefer his original version. It has touched me so many times, and made me question my own motives before I go up before the congregation to worship.
I am again reminded of this song last week. I played the piano for the worship band for the first time, and I was practicing like crazy. Somehow, no matter how I practice (and indeed how much I pray for a miracle), I couldn't make it sound as cool as I envisage. Those who know me would know that I am a bit of a perfectionist, but I felt I couldn't even bring the music to a mediocre level, much less perfect. Needless to say, the perfectionist in me stressed out.
Shortly before I was to go to our first band practice, my mentor changed my state of mind with a simple question.
"Are you to worship, Sida?" he asked.
He didn't ask me if I was ready to play the piano. Instead, he had asked me, simply, whether I was ready to worship. With that single, simple question, he had reminded me that it was about the worship, not about the music. It was about God, not about me. My offering is my heart of worship - the music is only the manifestation. Even if I were Rubinstein, my music would still be too coarse to do justice to His glory; too barbaric to be played in His courts. It is Jesus that makes my offering holy; not how well I play.
I entered His courts on Sunday, before His people, to serve as a musician. I was ready to worship, and felt confident in heart and faith. I was, however, emphatically not ready to play music... but somehow, that became less important.
Oh, and, for the record, my playing was mediocre, but passable. By the grace of God.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Friday, March 19, 2010
On Worship
Back in undergrad, 5 or perhaps even 6 years ago, I was having lunch with some friends when one asked another a question that was slightly out-of-place for a crowded university cafeteria.
"What is worship?" she asked. I think she was joining her church's music ministry at the time.
"Worship is a way of life," was the response. "worship is not just about the church service, it's not just about the music or the singing. Worship is a way of life, and it continues outside church, outside the group meetings, even after the music has stopped."
I was about 17 or 18 at the time, and an atheist, so I listened to the response with an aloof expression on my face... but his words remain with me even today.
I accepted Jesus when I was 19, and joined my church's worship ministry sometime after... which means I've been in the worship team for about 3 years. During these years, I've often asked myself that same questions. What is worship? Why do we worship, what are the aims? And how do we achieve those aims?
My past mentor was fond of saying that you "can't worship God on stage properly until you learn how to worship God in private". My present mentor once said that worship is worthship, that it's about attributing worth to our God, proclaiming His worth. My mentors, past and present, as well as the aforementioned friend, are all men blessed with great wisdom, whom I love and envy. Though I make an attempt to answer the above mentioned questions, nothing I present here is my own. It is, instead, a collection of wisdom from books, the bible, and people I have been privileged to meet.
Worship is a word that is used a lot in Christian teaching, but we are rarely told its definition. So, what is the act of worship? Dictionary.com defines worship as "reverent honour and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred". As my mentor would say, we attribute worth to Him, pay honour to Him, because He is worthy. Because He first loved us.
But how? With our pianos, guitars, and drums, with sermons and prayers, testimonies and bible readings... but it is so much more than that. As my friend would say, worship is a way of life. I love that saying, it resounds through my head like a gong, and I think I will very quickly steal it and try to pass it off as my own wisdom. Not only that, it is backed by a bible verse -
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." - Romans 12:1 (NIV).
Thus, our worship carries on after all the music has ceased. If we present ourselves as living sacrifices, then we worship with every aspect of our lives. And so, we pay honour to our God through our lives - through our work, our families, our conduct in public as well as our private prayers. Even after the last person has filed out of church and the doors are locked, the worship continues in every encouraging word, every kind act, and every smile. That is our living sacrifice, and that is our spiritual act of worship.
The answer to the question of why we worship may be simple enough - after all, we pay honour to God because He is infinately honourable. But why? Can we make God more worthy by worshipping Him? Conversely, if we cease to worship, if one day all the tongues were stilled and all the instruments thrown into the sea... does that diminish His worth?
One of my favourite bible passages lie in Luke 19:39-40. As Jesus was entering Jerusalem, the people were shouting and singing praises. The Pharisees, the Jewish rulers of the day, said to Jesus: "Rebuke your disciples!"
The thunderbolt comes with his reply. "I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."
How great the release! Even if all tongues were held still, the stones themselves will cry out! No matter how badly we sing, we can not diminish God's worthiness. We worship, not to make God more worthy, not even to make God seem more worthy, but simply to enjoy it. C. S. Lewis once said that in commanding us to worship, God is inviting us to enjoy him. We enjoy our worship, just as God enjoys our worship. It is not like other things in life, that seem to have a distinct rationale and aim. Worship is to be enjoyed, it is a vessel through which we are blessed and through which we bless others. It is a glimpse of heaven - because all the heavens resound with continuous worship.
Lastly, as an aside, I can't wait to see the stones sing. I have no desire to keep quiet myself, of course, nor do I want all the people in the world to be stilled. But, there are times, when I wish I could see every thing, even inanimate objects, rise up in praise. That would be a truly awesome sight.
"What is worship?" she asked. I think she was joining her church's music ministry at the time.
"Worship is a way of life," was the response. "worship is not just about the church service, it's not just about the music or the singing. Worship is a way of life, and it continues outside church, outside the group meetings, even after the music has stopped."
I was about 17 or 18 at the time, and an atheist, so I listened to the response with an aloof expression on my face... but his words remain with me even today.
I accepted Jesus when I was 19, and joined my church's worship ministry sometime after... which means I've been in the worship team for about 3 years. During these years, I've often asked myself that same questions. What is worship? Why do we worship, what are the aims? And how do we achieve those aims?
My past mentor was fond of saying that you "can't worship God on stage properly until you learn how to worship God in private". My present mentor once said that worship is worthship, that it's about attributing worth to our God, proclaiming His worth. My mentors, past and present, as well as the aforementioned friend, are all men blessed with great wisdom, whom I love and envy. Though I make an attempt to answer the above mentioned questions, nothing I present here is my own. It is, instead, a collection of wisdom from books, the bible, and people I have been privileged to meet.
Worship is a word that is used a lot in Christian teaching, but we are rarely told its definition. So, what is the act of worship? Dictionary.com defines worship as "reverent honour and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred". As my mentor would say, we attribute worth to Him, pay honour to Him, because He is worthy. Because He first loved us.
But how? With our pianos, guitars, and drums, with sermons and prayers, testimonies and bible readings... but it is so much more than that. As my friend would say, worship is a way of life. I love that saying, it resounds through my head like a gong, and I think I will very quickly steal it and try to pass it off as my own wisdom. Not only that, it is backed by a bible verse -
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." - Romans 12:1 (NIV).
Thus, our worship carries on after all the music has ceased. If we present ourselves as living sacrifices, then we worship with every aspect of our lives. And so, we pay honour to our God through our lives - through our work, our families, our conduct in public as well as our private prayers. Even after the last person has filed out of church and the doors are locked, the worship continues in every encouraging word, every kind act, and every smile. That is our living sacrifice, and that is our spiritual act of worship.
The answer to the question of why we worship may be simple enough - after all, we pay honour to God because He is infinately honourable. But why? Can we make God more worthy by worshipping Him? Conversely, if we cease to worship, if one day all the tongues were stilled and all the instruments thrown into the sea... does that diminish His worth?
One of my favourite bible passages lie in Luke 19:39-40. As Jesus was entering Jerusalem, the people were shouting and singing praises. The Pharisees, the Jewish rulers of the day, said to Jesus: "Rebuke your disciples!"
The thunderbolt comes with his reply. "I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."
How great the release! Even if all tongues were held still, the stones themselves will cry out! No matter how badly we sing, we can not diminish God's worthiness. We worship, not to make God more worthy, not even to make God seem more worthy, but simply to enjoy it. C. S. Lewis once said that in commanding us to worship, God is inviting us to enjoy him. We enjoy our worship, just as God enjoys our worship. It is not like other things in life, that seem to have a distinct rationale and aim. Worship is to be enjoyed, it is a vessel through which we are blessed and through which we bless others. It is a glimpse of heaven - because all the heavens resound with continuous worship.
Lastly, as an aside, I can't wait to see the stones sing. I have no desire to keep quiet myself, of course, nor do I want all the people in the world to be stilled. But, there are times, when I wish I could see every thing, even inanimate objects, rise up in praise. That would be a truly awesome sight.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Introduction to this blog
Last weekend, a famous pastor named 張茂松, from Taiwan, visited our church, and delivered two sermons. He was a very passionate and powerful speaker, and over the course of about 3 hours or so (Saturday and Sunday), gave each of us much food for thought.
I won't elaborate on everything he said, partly because he said so much, and partly because I don't really remember all of it. I had a notebook and pen poised to take notes; but he was the sort of person who, when he is speaking, you can't really tear your eyes from him. I'm sure I stopped blinking at one stage, because by the end of the Sunday sermon, my eyes were watering and felt like they were going to pop out of my head.
One thing he that he spent some time emphasising, though, was his view that we ought to be encouraged to think big. "Dream a little bigger!" he yelled at us, projecting his booming voice toward the row after row of "young people" in our church. "Expand your horizon! Aim a little higher! Dream big!"
It was a challenge one couldn't much argue against, so then I asked myself, what is my dream?
Well, if you are a reader of my other blogs, you would know that I once had a fancy that I was going to build a hospital. You might also know that when I was a child I wanted to be a writer. There has been various other "dreams"... but perhaps the most pervasive was the half-formed hope that I would, one day, pen a book. I don't mean a blog that some unfortunate soul stumbled upon, I mean a book that actually gets printed, read, and, hopefully, help and encourage people.
Later, after the services, my mentor asked me what my dream was. Feeling kind of silly, I didn't really want to tell him, but a sermon like that made you bold. Or at least, bold-ish. I confessed that I wanted to write a book, or perhaps a few books.
"What kind of book?" he asked.
"I don't really know." I replied, feeling wretched. The world doesn't need another self-help Christian book, there were already millions out there. I'm not creative enough for fiction, and not knowledgeable enough for non-fiction. As such, I don't even have any ideas. The only thing I do have is this pervasive ill-conceived notion to help people through writing.
Hoping to at least rectify the situation, I told him about my (other) blog, and how it once attracted the attention of a nobel prize laureate (oh how I love that story).
"Well, I think it's a great idea. And I think you should start with your blog." He said. Typical mentor.
So, this blog is the answer to that challenge from the Taiwanese pastor with the enormous presence and booming voice. I made this new blog to be separate from my old one, which contains mainly random thoughts. Into this blog, I will write things that are a little more serious, a little more personal, all invariably related to my faith, things that I might otherwise want to publish in a book. If I ever get to.
Oh, and, lastly: my other blog is http://supersida.blogspot.com/ . If you are curious about the Nobel Prize laureate story, click here. I love that story, because, if nothing else, at least it justifies my otherwise frivolous attempts at writing.
I won't elaborate on everything he said, partly because he said so much, and partly because I don't really remember all of it. I had a notebook and pen poised to take notes; but he was the sort of person who, when he is speaking, you can't really tear your eyes from him. I'm sure I stopped blinking at one stage, because by the end of the Sunday sermon, my eyes were watering and felt like they were going to pop out of my head.
One thing he that he spent some time emphasising, though, was his view that we ought to be encouraged to think big. "Dream a little bigger!" he yelled at us, projecting his booming voice toward the row after row of "young people" in our church. "Expand your horizon! Aim a little higher! Dream big!"
It was a challenge one couldn't much argue against, so then I asked myself, what is my dream?
Well, if you are a reader of my other blogs, you would know that I once had a fancy that I was going to build a hospital. You might also know that when I was a child I wanted to be a writer. There has been various other "dreams"... but perhaps the most pervasive was the half-formed hope that I would, one day, pen a book. I don't mean a blog that some unfortunate soul stumbled upon, I mean a book that actually gets printed, read, and, hopefully, help and encourage people.
Later, after the services, my mentor asked me what my dream was. Feeling kind of silly, I didn't really want to tell him, but a sermon like that made you bold. Or at least, bold-ish. I confessed that I wanted to write a book, or perhaps a few books.
"What kind of book?" he asked.
"I don't really know." I replied, feeling wretched. The world doesn't need another self-help Christian book, there were already millions out there. I'm not creative enough for fiction, and not knowledgeable enough for non-fiction. As such, I don't even have any ideas. The only thing I do have is this pervasive ill-conceived notion to help people through writing.
Hoping to at least rectify the situation, I told him about my (other) blog, and how it once attracted the attention of a nobel prize laureate (oh how I love that story).
"Well, I think it's a great idea. And I think you should start with your blog." He said. Typical mentor.
So, this blog is the answer to that challenge from the Taiwanese pastor with the enormous presence and booming voice. I made this new blog to be separate from my old one, which contains mainly random thoughts. Into this blog, I will write things that are a little more serious, a little more personal, all invariably related to my faith, things that I might otherwise want to publish in a book. If I ever get to.
Oh, and, lastly: my other blog is http://supersida.blogspot.com/ . If you are curious about the Nobel Prize laureate story, click here. I love that story, because, if nothing else, at least it justifies my otherwise frivolous attempts at writing.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Morning questions
I woke up this morning, and after praying, I suddenly thought to myself, what if it's all a dream? What if it's all a lie, and all Christendom were fooled by it? What if they are right, we are nothing but flesh and bones, dust and ashes, and there is nothing beyond the confines of the material world? What if it is all one big, beautiful lie?
Immediately, a voice within said to me: "If it is one big, beautiful lie, where did beauty come from?"
And I got up and went on with my day; my question was answered.
Immediately, a voice within said to me: "If it is one big, beautiful lie, where did beauty come from?"
And I got up and went on with my day; my question was answered.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
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