The heart of worship

"I'll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself
Is not what You have required,
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it,
When it's all about You"
- Lyrics of "Heart of Worship" by Matt Redman

I simply love the Heart of Worship song by Matt Redman. The whole song is part confession, part exaltation. As with all of Matt Redman's songs, you can really tell it comes from the heart... which is why I still prefer his original version. It has touched me so many times, and made me question my own motives before I go up before the congregation to worship.

I am again reminded of this song last week. I played the piano for the worship band for the first time, and I was practicing like crazy. Somehow, no matter how I practice (and indeed how much I pray for a miracle), I couldn't make it sound as cool as I envisage. Those who know me would know that I am a bit of a perfectionist, but I felt I couldn't even bring the music to a mediocre level, much less perfect. Needless to say, the perfectionist in me stressed out.

Shortly before I was to go to our first band practice, my mentor changed my state of mind with a simple question.

"Are you to worship, Sida?" he asked.

He didn't ask me if I was ready to play the piano. Instead, he had asked me, simply, whether I was ready to worship. With that single, simple question, he had reminded me that it was about the worship, not about the music. It was about God, not about me. My offering is my heart of worship - the music is only the manifestation. Even if I were Rubinstein, my music would still be too coarse to do justice to His glory; too barbaric to be played in His courts. It is Jesus that makes my offering holy; not how well I play.

I entered His courts on Sunday, before His people, to serve as a musician. I was ready to worship, and felt confident in heart and faith. I was, however, emphatically not ready to play music... but somehow, that became less important.

Oh, and, for the record, my playing was mediocre, but passable. By the grace of God.