The love of God

Recently, I was given the task of being a youth mentor at my church... and one of my responsibilities include leading my group for bible study. I wasn't too sure about this - after all, what exactly do I talk about with them? How do I do this?

I was asking myself this question (and, I must admit, getting myself into a bit of a panic) when I remembered something that happened a few months ago... when God asked me the question: "if you had one chance to share just one message with people, what would it be?" I realised that my "chance" had come. The following, I suppose, is this "one message" - the one thing that I consider crucial for every person to understand, whether they are seasoned Christians or unbelievers... the "one message" that will make a difference in someone's life. And this is the message that I will be sharing for my first bible study session.

The message is about the love of God. It is a simple message, God did not intend for this to be rocket science. It is simply this: God loves you.

Every Christian understands that God loves us. In our church, we are told to "greet the person next to you by saying 'Jesus loves you'." Children in Sunday school sing the song "Jesus loves me, this I know". We are reminded, again and again, that God loves us... so much that the phrase "Jesus loves you" has become a by-word, a cliche that is thrown about. Do you understand the full implications of this? Do you understand what this means, for you, your life, and everything that you do? Or are you stuck in the same cycle, wondering: "Yes, Jesus loves me... but so what?"

Allow me to expound a little further.

God loved you from the beginning.
You are a creation of God, and before you were born He knew you... and loved you. Genesis tells us that you were created in His likeness... and after He created you, He looked at you, and liked what He saw. In fact, you could say that He fell in love. He loves you so much that He, the Creator and King of the heavens, decided you were worth dying for.

Your sins didn't stop Him loving you.
Romans 5:8 tells us: "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I can still remember a time when I was (perhaps due to my perfectionist nature) getting upset with myself for my inabilities and limitations... I couldn't live up to my own standards, couldn't keep my goals, and felt like I was failing in every aspect of my life. God pointed this verse out to me, and reminded me that He didn't wait for me to become perfect before demonstrating His love for me. He knew I'm not perfect, but that didn't stop Him. How amazing that He wasn't put off by how tainted and sinful I am!

Your sins (or indeed anything else) will never stop Him loving you.
Romans 8:35 asks the question: "Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?"

Hmm... good question. There have indeed been times, I must admit, when I felt separate from the love of Christ. There has been times, the difficult seasons in my life, when I felt I could sympathise with Job when he said "if I go to the east, he is not there; if I go to the west, I do not find him."

This question is answered a few verses later, in Romans 8:38-39: "I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

I think, for Christians, it is this last point that we most easily forget... and yet this is the one point that can have a huge impact on the way we live and the way we stand up to adversity. Don't get me wrong - this does not mean that we can do whatever we like. And it does not mean that because God loves us, nothing bad will ever happen to us. What it does mean is that we can be secure in Him. Absolute security, written in stone, firm as a rock.

Jesus loves me... so what?
The issue of how we respond to God's love is perhaps somewhat a separate topic, to be considered another time... but I do believe that how well we respond to God's love depends on how aware we are of God's love for us. So here is my challenge, to you as well as to myself: know that God loves you, unequivocally, in every circumstance. Each morning, remind yourself that nothing the world produces today can separate you from His love. Each time you repent, remember that God who is righteous, loved you while you were still a sinner. Each time you serve or minister, remember what John said: "We love, because He first loved us". Each time you face a challenge, whether it is a difficult customer, difficult boss, or some monumental exam... remember that nothing separates you from His love. Each time you feel rejected by someone, remember that God didn't reject you. Each time you look up at the sky, stars, flowers, trees... remember that the God who created all these loved you enough to die for you.

In short, my challenge is this: remember, at all times, in all circumstances, that God loves you.

It is not as easy as it sounds. But do it, persist in it... and you will realise that everything else becomes unimportant in comparison... and realise how liberating it is - that when He sets you free, you are free indeed!

Discipline

My usual "discipline" is to get up at around 5am, to read the bible, contemplate, and pray. This, of course, sounds very good... and often it is indeed a precious time. However, there are times when I wake up feeling so sleepy that I don't remember what I read in the bible and my prayer is something along the lines of... "Lord bless me today. In Jesus' name. Amen."

I developed this routine after I realised that I simply couldn't count on having enough time and energy in the evening to do this. Often, in the evening, if I want to study I won't have time to study the bible, if I want to read the bible to my satisfaction then I won't have time to do anything else. As spiritual discipline is important, I decided that 5am is a good time to get up.

It hasn't worked so well in the past few days, because I let my habits lax a little during my week break from clinical placements. There didn't seem any point in getting up at 5am if you're not actually going out during the day, and if you have all day to spare. So, this week, now I'm back in the hospital, I've tried to go back to my old routine, not without some issues.

This morning, after I slept through my alarm and woke up groggily at about 5:45am, I dragged myself out of bed (it's dark in winter, too), and fumbled clumsily through my bible. I read, but I'm pretty sure nothing was absorbed. Not only that, I kept my eye on the clock, making sure I don't have to rush off to eat and get ready for the day. Then, as I bent my head and closed my eyes to pray, suddenly something within me asked a question: "is this really what you think God wants? Only a single cell in your brain is active, you mechanically go through the motions of reading and praying - is this your spiritual act of worship?"

It was almost like a rhetorical question, so I'll not bother to answer it here. But it does point out to me that I need to reconsider what I regard as discipline, and how to worship with discipline. What exactly does Christian Discipline look like?

I'm very tired today (because I slept late last night and got up early today), and am very tired... but I will contemplate this, read something about it, and there'll probably something posted here soon about this topic. Suggestions welcome.

I've just realised that there is actually so much that I want to write about... and so much that I want to research... but time, unfortunately, is limited. One of these days I will retire from medicine, spend my days on an armchair, and write the most unreadably long blog posts ever seen.

The Problem of Pain, as told by me

I'm not altogether sure why I'm embarking upon this topic. For such an unseasoned writer as I, this is probably the most challenging thing I've written. Tonight is Saturday night; tomorrow is a full and challenging day, and I should be spending my time preparing. But my mood is all askew and I'm having difficulty concentrating on doing what I ought to. Instead, a chance e-mail from a friend (and an unrelated conversation with another friend) has set me off thinking about the problem of pain.

The problem of pain is simply this: if there is a God, if God is good and loving, and if God is also omnipotent, then why is there still suffering in this world? This question has been mused by almost everyone, a question that remains poignant across generations, a question that has been asked by theists as well as atheists, saints as well as sinners. It is also a question that is asked by academic thinkers like theologists and philosophers, as a purely intellectual exercise... as well as a deeply personal question asked by mothers, fathers, friends and lovers, anyone who has ever suffered or watched the suffering of a loved one.

Firstly, let me say that the explanation that I am about to give is a very personal one. It will by no means answer the question that has been asked for centuries by the wise and foolish alike. My explanation is not likely to satisfy the philosophers of the world, it is not even necessarily 100% theologically correct. My explanation might not satisfy a person who is experiencing suffering. However, it is my hope that what I am about to share is, in some way, of some help to someone out there. I must here confess that I write out of sheer desire to write, I really have no high and mighty altruistic motives.

Let us first, as with all problems, define the question at hand. The question is, how can a just, loving, merciful and powerful God allow suffering in the world? Personally, the question can be narrowed down to a single word: why? The Black Death killed around 100 million people. Why? The World War I killed 15 million. 15 million individual lives, each with hopes and dreams and fears. Each with family members hoping and praying for their safety. That's 15 million funerals, 15 million families mourning a loss. How can a just, loving, merciful and powerful God allow this to happen?

Personally, I must make one thing clear: I do not believe that God intends for bad things to happen. In fact, I find it slightly offensive when I hear people say: "God intended for it to get this bad, for the building of your faith and the maturation of your character." (Miserable comforters, I always think to myself.) In the old testament, we see Joseph suffering a number of grievous misfortunes under the hands of his brothers and his master. However, by the hand of divine providence, Joseph was able to turn the defeat into victory, and through these hardships, became able to save the lives of many. (This story is told in Genesis 37 to 50). At the end of the story, Joseph says this to his brothers, who caused his suffering and unfair treatment: "You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives." Joseph makes this clear: the harm, and the intention for harm, came from his brothers. God turned it around for good. Similarly, we get through some troublesome times despite not knowing quite how we managed to survive. We find ourselves stronger than before - our character more resilient, our understanding deepened, our faith more grounded. By the grace of God, we say, we came through. But can we say that God intended for all the tragedy and devastation, merely for the sake of a character-building exercise? Just because God was at the right place, at the right time, and did the right things, it does not make God the culprit.

Of course, one cannot write a discourse on the problem of pain without talking about Job - a whole book of the bible, some 42 chapters mostly devoted to the pain and misery of one man. The story of Job is really too great a complexity to expound here, it's not a story that can be summarised in a few sentences. It is a story of a good man, to whom God allowed the devil to inflict terrible suffering. He spends most of the book lamenting his pain, asking the question: how can I have a hearing with Him, the Almighty? How can I make him answer my question of why? At the end of the book, God appears in a storm. God makes no attempt to answer the question of pain. God offers no explanation to Job why He allowed the suffering to occur (although the reader is shown this at the beginning of the book). Instead, He simply pointed to the great natural phenomena of the world, and effectively said: "Where you here when the heavens and earth was created? Who, then, are you to question me, to want to have a hearing with me? To, indeed, put me on trial?"

There are, of course, many lessons that can be learnt from Job, and I can by no means pretend to be able to list them all here. Firstly, we see that God does sometimes allow suffering. It is God's perogative to decide why, it is God's perogative to decide whether He tells us His reasons. In Job's case, we could see the reasons from the beginning, but God didn't tell him, even at the end. Instead, God basically said, "I am God, need you know more?", and Job was satisfied. Secondly, we see how easily we attempt to judge God. Who indeed are we to accuse God of being unloving, unmerciful, unjust, or weak? Who are we to question Him, to put Him on trial, to suppose that we can decide whether His actions (or lack thereof) have been justified? As C. S. Lewis so precisely pointed out, "How can we face to Gods, til we have faces.?"

No discussion about pain and suffering is complete without some mention of the freedom of choice - since it is by that choice that the forbidden fruit was eaten, and pain and suffering came into the world. Because of our tendency to sin, if we want a just, loving, merciful and powerful God, He can not be any other than the way He is now. If there is to be justice for all sinners, then none of us will receive mercy. If He used His power to right all wrongs and to punish all misdeeds, then none of us will survive. Perhaps if God used His power to prevent all sins, then humans would resemble robots, finely tuned to do what is precisely right. No, God used His power to do none of these things. Instead, He has allowed us freedom... and, because He knew that with freedom comes sin and with sin comes death, He decided to die for us. In doing so, he became both just as well as merciful, both relenting as well as relentless.

Lastly, I just wanted to share a personal experience in this area... one time when I met a young boy who had been sexually molested, and who now struggled with fear, anxiety, and learning and social difficulties. As I heard his story I found myself feeling increasingly angry and upset. You always read about tragedies like that, of course. But meeting one, and witnessing its aftermath, makes it so much more real - and the idea that such things happen under our crisp blue skies hit me like a cement wall. I was angry and affronted to the point of tears. Then, I heard God whisper to me: "I love him more than you. What makes you think I'm not also incredibly upset that this happens to my children? It hurts you to see children like this; don't you think it hurts me infinitely more? That's why I had to redeem my children; that's why I had to come down myself and die for you." When we are crushed, God also feels crushed (Jeremiah 8:21). God is certainly not an impassive master, rather, a passionate father.

I know that what I write today will not satisfy the questions of many. In fact I don't even know if I've really answered the question. But I have learnt, as did Job, that the question doesn't have to be answered - it's the beauty of being human. We are limited, and as long as we admit that we are limited and we can't have all the answers, we can, if nothing else, stop the ceaseless, fruitless search. I think, in the end, that is the answer to the problem of pain - that we are human, God is God, and His mind is a great and unsearchable mystery.

Good news, God is sovereign

A couple of years ago, I saw a snippet of a Billy Graham speech. I think it was part of a larger program, probably honoring his life, and all I recall were the words he uttered with conviction: "Good news! God is sovereign!"

I was sitting on my friend's carpet at the time, during a rather difficult and dry period in my life. Somehow that message resounded through my brain, shaking its foundations. And yet, it was such a simple message. "Good news, God is sovereign!". So simple that it's laughable - after all, God, by definition, is sovereign. Even an atheist knows that. Despite its simplicity, the short sentence pronounced with vigor moved me almost to tears.

What an easy thing for us to forget, that God is sovereign. His dominion stretches infinitely; His kingdom covers you, everything you are, and everything you see. When troubles come our way, it's easy to forget that God is sovereign, that the future is in His hands. When God doesn't respond to our requests the way we want him to, it's easy to forget that God is sovereign, not us. And when everything that can go wrong does go wrong, when our hurdles look like mountains, it's easy to forget that God is sovereign over all these things. Lastly, when everything goes against us, it's easy to forget that God is on our side. If you've ever asked yourself: "God is sovereign, so what?", tell yourself that this is good news!

I don't know what the original context of Billy Graham's sermon was. Quite possibly, the phrase was used in the wider context of a different message. Whatever the case, the phrase "Good news, God is sovereign" (though it is laughably simple) should be kept away like weaponry, to be brought out whenever the devil attacks.

Be back soon

My internet at home is down at the moment, and has been down for the past 2 weeks or so. It will continue to be down for another 2 weeks, while the ISP repairs some broken connections... or something like that.

So, that explains my leave of absence. My occupation is a medical student, currently on clinical rotations, and my only access to internet is during the day at the hospital. And the hospital is no place to blog idly.

When my home internet is back, so I will be also.

The heart of worship

"I'll bring You more than a song, for a song in itself
Is not what You have required,
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You, it's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it,
When it's all about You"
- Lyrics of "Heart of Worship" by Matt Redman

I simply love the Heart of Worship song by Matt Redman. The whole song is part confession, part exaltation. As with all of Matt Redman's songs, you can really tell it comes from the heart... which is why I still prefer his original version. It has touched me so many times, and made me question my own motives before I go up before the congregation to worship.

I am again reminded of this song last week. I played the piano for the worship band for the first time, and I was practicing like crazy. Somehow, no matter how I practice (and indeed how much I pray for a miracle), I couldn't make it sound as cool as I envisage. Those who know me would know that I am a bit of a perfectionist, but I felt I couldn't even bring the music to a mediocre level, much less perfect. Needless to say, the perfectionist in me stressed out.

Shortly before I was to go to our first band practice, my mentor changed my state of mind with a simple question.

"Are you to worship, Sida?" he asked.

He didn't ask me if I was ready to play the piano. Instead, he had asked me, simply, whether I was ready to worship. With that single, simple question, he had reminded me that it was about the worship, not about the music. It was about God, not about me. My offering is my heart of worship - the music is only the manifestation. Even if I were Rubinstein, my music would still be too coarse to do justice to His glory; too barbaric to be played in His courts. It is Jesus that makes my offering holy; not how well I play.

I entered His courts on Sunday, before His people, to serve as a musician. I was ready to worship, and felt confident in heart and faith. I was, however, emphatically not ready to play music... but somehow, that became less important.

Oh, and, for the record, my playing was mediocre, but passable. By the grace of God.

On Worship

Back in undergrad, 5 or perhaps even 6 years ago, I was having lunch with some friends when one asked another a question that was slightly out-of-place for a crowded university cafeteria.

"What is worship?" she asked. I think she was joining her church's music ministry at the time.

"Worship is a way of life," was the response. "worship is not just about the church service, it's not just about the music or the singing. Worship is a way of life, and it continues outside church, outside the group meetings, even after the music has stopped."

I was about 17 or 18 at the time, and an atheist, so I listened to the response with an aloof expression on my face... but his words remain with me even today.

I accepted Jesus when I was 19, and joined my church's worship ministry sometime after... which means I've been in the worship team for about 3 years. During these years, I've often asked myself that same questions. What is worship? Why do we worship, what are the aims? And how do we achieve those aims?

My past mentor was fond of saying that you "can't worship God on stage properly until you learn how to worship God in private". My present mentor once said that worship is worthship, that it's about attributing worth to our God, proclaiming His worth. My mentors, past and present, as well as the aforementioned friend, are all men blessed with great wisdom, whom I love and envy. Though I make an attempt to answer the above mentioned questions, nothing I present here is my own. It is, instead, a collection of wisdom from books, the bible, and people I have been privileged to meet.

Worship is a word that is used a lot in Christian teaching, but we are rarely told its definition. So, what is the act of worship? Dictionary.com defines worship as "reverent honour and homage paid to God or a sacred personage, or to any object regarded as sacred". As my mentor would say, we attribute worth to Him, pay honour to Him, because He is worthy. Because He first loved us.

But how? With our pianos, guitars, and drums, with sermons and prayers, testimonies and bible readings... but it is so much more than that. As my friend would say, worship is a way of life. I love that saying, it resounds through my head like a gong, and I think I will very quickly steal it and try to pass it off as my own wisdom. Not only that, it is backed by a bible verse -

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." - Romans 12:1 (NIV).

Thus, our worship carries on after all the music has ceased. If we present ourselves as living sacrifices, then we worship with every aspect of our lives. And so, we pay honour to our God through our lives - through our work, our families, our conduct in public as well as our private prayers. Even after the last person has filed out of church and the doors are locked, the worship continues in every encouraging word, every kind act, and every smile. That is our living sacrifice, and that is our spiritual act of worship.

The answer to the question of why we worship may be simple enough - after all, we pay honour to God because He is infinately honourable. But why? Can we make God more worthy by worshipping Him? Conversely, if we cease to worship, if one day all the tongues were stilled and all the instruments thrown into the sea... does that diminish His worth?

One of my favourite bible passages lie in Luke 19:39-40. As Jesus was entering Jerusalem, the people were shouting and singing praises. The Pharisees, the Jewish rulers of the day, said to Jesus: "Rebuke your disciples!"

The thunderbolt comes with his reply. "I tell you," he replied, "if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out."

How great the release! Even if all tongues were held still, the stones themselves will cry out! No matter how badly we sing, we can not diminish God's worthiness. We worship, not to make God more worthy, not even to make God seem more worthy, but simply to enjoy it. C. S. Lewis once said that in commanding us to worship, God is inviting us to enjoy him. We enjoy our worship, just as God enjoys our worship. It is not like other things in life, that seem to have a distinct rationale and aim. Worship is to be enjoyed, it is a vessel through which we are blessed and through which we bless others. It is a glimpse of heaven - because all the heavens resound with continuous worship.

Lastly, as an aside, I can't wait to see the stones sing. I have no desire to keep quiet myself, of course, nor do I want all the people in the world to be stilled. But, there are times, when I wish I could see every thing, even inanimate objects, rise up in praise. That would be a truly awesome sight.