Is there a "Biblical" way to meet someone?

Question:
Is there a "Biblical" way to meet someone?

Answer:
The whole relationship / dating experience is fraught with risks, and sometimes well-meaning older people, in order to minimise those risks, will set up certain rules. "God will only bless a relationship if you meet him here at church", I was once told. Another wise older Christian told me: "You should never meet a boy one-on-one... you should always get to know him through a cell group or a church activity, with a group of other people. Meeting someone one-on-one invites temptation."

A lecturer at a well-known seminary in the US once remarked: "Should we allow young people to date? Well, should we allow a young woman and a young man to meet up alone, often in some secluded place, and see if they get into trouble? It's obvious, isn't it?"

Well, with all due respect to all these wise people, it's not obvious. Not at all.

The Bible contains lots of stories of people in relationships, and lots of marriages that were blessed by God. Many of these marriages played a small role in the grander story of God's salvation of his people. I'm thinking of a few examples: Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Leah and Rachel, Judah and Tamar, Moses and Zipporah, Ruth and Boaz... the list goes on. The Bible is a story about God and his work of salvation of his people, and not just a story for the sake of a story... so we're not given a lot of details of these marriages, and sometimes the details that we are given are not exactly pretty (think the story of Judah and Tamar, Genesis 38).

The only thing in common between these marriages is their role in God's story. In other words, the only thing they had in common was that God used them for his purpose. Isaac and Rebekah was an arranged marriage, Jacob fell in love with Rachel, and Ruth met Boaz alone, in a secluded place, in the dark. The Bible simply doesn't give a framework as to how we are to meet, court, and get to know members of the opposite sex. It only tells us that once we have decided on a spouse, we need to hold fast to that spouse and not let go (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:3-6).

I am, of course, wary of using people of the Old Testament to be examples for us. After all, just because Ruth met Boaz in the dark in a secluded place, it doesn't mean I would want my daughter meeting a boy like that. And indeed it is true, some forms of dating does invite more temptation than others. We do want our young people behaving in a righteous, honourable way, don't we? So what is wrong with making a rule about the circumstances of their courtship?

Well, for one thing, making rules and legislating good behaviour simply doesn't work. What happens when we try to get a sinful person to behave righteously by obeying laws? More sin - look at Romans 7:7-12 - where Paul confesses that, because of his own sinful self, the law "do not covet" didn't produce righteousness but "every covetous desire". So we know that making a rule about how young people should relate to one another will not work, because we are all such sinful people. Telling a young person not to meet a member of the opposite sex in the park will not produce fruits of righteousness - after all, temptation is readily available in other places, such as pornography.

So, if making rules won't work, what will? Is there a biblical framework of how we can ensure our young people can get to know each other in a healthy, romantic way (and, dare I say it, exciting way) without falling into sin?

The answer lies in Romans 6:1-14. Paul tells us that we have died with Christ, and raised from death with him, and now walking in newness of life (verse 5). Therefore, we consider ourselves dead to our sinful ways, and alive to God (verse 11). Because we are alive to God and He is altogether glorious, so we can turn away from our temptations and our sins, and surrender ourselves to God (ver 13). So that is how we can face temptation: because our God is more glorious and more attractive and holds more power over our hearts than that thing that is tempting us. And that is how Ruth was able to meet with Boaz, in the dark, for the glory of God.

Relationships are fraught with risks - risks that scare older people and excite younger people. There is no "biblical" way to get to know someone that doesn't involve risks. If we want to minimise these risks, the most biblical way to do it would be to realise just how wonderful, glorious, and attractive our God is... and to fall in love with Him over and over again.